He So Fine

The coveted good-looking man has destroyed many women. Women lose touch with reason when they see a man that they think is “fine”. Women disrespect, wives and girlfriends. These women even disrespect parents, because they want to be with that “Fine AZZ Man”.

Every since elementary school I have witnessed women fighting over men. I went to an all girls’ school and the girls fought over boys that didn’t go to the school. The biggest fight ever in my school was between two Haitian girls who kept screaming, “that’s my man”.

The question I have is why? In most of these situations the man is totally unfaithful. He goes from woman to woman, taking full advantage of the situation. I never mention names but this time I will, when I was a pre-teen there were two twin boys that lived on my street, Tony and Ronny. They were really cute, but I didn’t think so because of their personalities. Ronny, to me, was the mean one, and he was the more rugged one. Tony was nicer and was always neat and well dressed. I once thought he was a nice person, because he was always nice to me. I was a few years younger so I knew it was not because he wanted to date me. My opinion changed after seeing how he physically abused a girl.

The first time I saw this girl she walked down our street and saw me playing out side and decided that I was her competition. She immediately started picking on me. I didn’t know her nor did I have any more than a neighborly relationship with Tony. I don’t know if this is the reason that Tony attacked her, but I was horrified at what he did. I know that the girl was a starker but his response was a little drastic. I was walking toward his house when I saw him push her and punch her so hard that she spun around and then he kicked her in the behind and told her to leave. She was mortified; I could see it in her face. Well that was my lesson learned about “Fine AZZ Men”. From that day I give a good-looking man a hard way to go. They have to work twice as hard to talk to me. Why? Because in that one instance I learned that they think it’s all about them. They think they can treat women any way that they want. They feel this way because they usually can. Women allow this and this is why it happens.

Women can prevent a lot of the things that happen to them by simply maintaining self-respect and dignity. Losing control over the appearance of a man is not logical and can be self-destructive. I do not think that Ronny and Tony started out being players I think women created these monsters.

Red Flag

They say that natural compensates for what we lack. Men are stronger than women does this mean that nature made us smarter?

If we are smarter why do we allow men to play us the way we do? Could it be all the sweet nothings that we are spoon feed as children? The fairy tales that tell us that we are going to live happily ever after? Or has nature made the instinct to create a family stronger than any other.

I know I have turned my eyes away a few times when a man did something that was totally out in left field. I said, well no ones perfect. What I learned from this is no there are no perfect people in the world however, some things go right to the root of a persons character. Not picking up your socks is not a character flaw. But if a person stretches the truth a lot and is really good at it, you might want to pay a little more attention.

I once invited a guy that I had recently met to a dinner party I was having. The evening started out really well but as the night went on this guy began to tell more and more incredible stories. First he told us that he went to St Johns University and was a star basketball player there. While at St Johns he used to shave points. This I don’t know much about but the men at the table explained to me what it was. For you ladies that don’t know ask your husbands. Any way this guy said that he was shaving points to the point that he made so much money that he used to travel to school by limo. Then he told us that he was Diana Ross’s bodyguard. Then he started to say that he worked for Full Force and Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam. These people I know so I asked when he worked for them, he changed the subject to him moving to Europe. He said he played basketball over there because the pay was so much more. Before he finished this long list of tales he said he was going to be leaving for South America soon; he has a contract to play ball down there. Although, very entertaining, I could tell that this guy liked to stretch the truth.

I took this as a red flag and did not date him. How many red flags have you ignored and why?

Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays to everyone

Congratulations

President Elect Obama

Reebill:

I wasn’t speaking on your comment. I was referring to comments that I received off-line.

I appreciate your post and agree totally with it.

Your post was excellent.

President elect Obama is a great example for men to follow. I think that he brings hope to our community as a whole. In some respect I do think that the lack of hope is the root of the problem some men have. Obama’s, being elected has shown us all, that we can achieve the impossible.

(Note: I saw an interview with Will Smith and he said that he was in Africa and some of the people kept shouting at him impossible. He didn’t understand, so he asked, why? A man told him, they say it because African Americans take nothing and do the impossible. He was referring to rap music but I think it is so much more. OBAMA!!!!! )

With that in mind I hope that the necessity I feel for this blog will diminish over the next 4 years.

However, now, I feel for the women who are out there hurting, struggling and feeling lost and confused. I feel for the women who want a good man and can’t find one. I feel for the women who thought they found the love of their lives only to find out he was after their bank account.

These women need to know that there is nothing wrong with them. They are not crazy or stupid. These men set out to find someone that they could take advantage of. Some of them look for women who have children. They do this because they know that she will always maintain a decent place to live and keep food on the table. For some of them this is their career. These men do not want to be the man in the relationship. They want to be freeloaders and parasites

I do not mean to spread hate but to inspire women to continue strive for a normal relationship. However, we need to be aware that these men are out there and are looking for unsuspecting women. These relationships hinder the growth of our community because it leaves so many of our children in poverty.

Some of us are in good relationships and I am very happy for those who are. However, it is not the majority.

I hope that you will continue to make your comments. I respect your opinion and look forward to reading more.

I would however, like you to keep in mind that this blog started out as a slightly comedic view on the subject while seriously discussing the issue. At times it may seem a little off colored but somewhere in what I write you will surely find a point.

From now on I will say that this comment is in reference to off-line comments.

Thanks for your post.

The Female, male haters club (Not!)

It has come to my attention that some people think that this is an “I hate men site”. This is not an “I hate men site” it is about the way in which some men treat women. If you read my post you will see that I did state that there are female players as well as male players. As far as it being negative I can’t write positively about such a negative topic. It is not a good thing to take advantage of women and that is what this is about. I am sorry that some of us believe that it’s O.K. to treat other human beings as sub-human but I don’t think it’s right.

I know that there are good men out there but this blog is not about good men it is about men who go around populating the world with children that they have no intention of taking care of. This is about men who have made a career out of using women. If you are a good man and you don’t do this you should not be insulted.

I think that men are so self-absorbed that they actually don’t realized how serious this situation really is. The language that is used in our music is a reflection of the men in our community it suggests that it is not necessary to respect women. Not even female senators are above verbal assault.

The music refers to pimps, Mac Daddies and hoes as though it is a good thing. Our daughters are not offended by the explicit manner that young men address them. I am trying to open eyes to the reality of this situation.

The reality is that this situation has existed for much longer than the hip hop era. This situation started many years ago and our children are only doing what they learned from us. We cheated, shacked and wrote songs about stroking and now we are reaping what we sowed.

I remember back in the early 80’s I saw a young man walk over to a young girl and say “girl I will rock your world” he went on to describe just how he would do that; I was sickened. The young girl was flattered. That was when I realized we were in trouble.

God blessed me with a son and a daughter I teach them to respect one another and all the same rules apply to both. There are no special privileges for my son. I do this because I have heard men and women tell there son’s to go out and do what ever they want because they don’t get pregnant. If we stopped teaching our sons this we would not have to worry so much about our daughters.

The ignorance runs so deep, that the abuser will most certainly attack a blog such as this, which uncovers it. Because it is what we have known and lived for so long some of us actually don’t see the problem.

Some women will find this a non-issue. I once talked for hours one night with a woman from the Middle East. She told me that at the age of 16 she was told that she was going to marry a man that was 15 years her senior. She was not told anything about what marriage meant. She was taken shopping she got beautiful clothes and she was excited about the marriage. The day of the wedding was wonderful there was food family and friends. The wedding night was not so nice. She did not know what was coming next. She started to cry, as she told me that her husband beat her into submission. She was beaten for years after because she never accepted her role as his wife. She wanted to go home to her parents. He wouldn’t even let her visit. I met her when he brought her to the United States and left her with her children and went back home. This woman told me one day that she was going to take her daughter back to the Middle East because she was getting older and she needed to be married. It was what she was taught; she believed this was the right thing to do. The same for some women here in our own community they accept the abuse because it is all they know.

It would be nice if everyone stuck their heads in the sand and pretended that the world was perfect. The reality is the world is not perfect and I thank God for the ability to see it and speak on it.

You can't handle the truth

I am told that this quote came from a movie. I don’t know, I didn’t see it. What I do know is that it is on my list of ridiculous statements. That list consist of

1. Don’t hate the player hate the game
2. I am just keeping it real
3. You can’t handle the truth.

People use these quotes to excuse their bad behavior. What people are saying when they use this statement is that they don’t want to deal with the consequences of their actions. It is easier to say I didn’t tell you because you can’t handle the truth. Instead of being truthful and allowing the person to process the information and react to it. What they are saying is I expect your reaction to be negative so I will hide my bad behavior.

I do know that people make many bad decisions, in life that includes women as well as men, which we do not want to admit to. However, hiding behind BS lines like this is unacceptable. When you make a mistake especially when you are caught dead on, confess. Humble yourself and apologize.

Recommended Reading

I met a woman once that had been married to a man that did not work. He would not work. They had a child and she supported the family on a secretary’s salary.

One day she finally had enough and filed for divorce. That was when she got the surprise of her life. She had to pay alimony, give him 50% of all of her savings. In addition she had to give up custody of her son and pay her ex-husband child support. He and the child remained in the home.

She contemplated suicide; I introduced her to a minister who took her to his church and she did a complete turn around. She got her degree bought her own condo where she lived with her very over weight cat. I was amazed at her progress.

I noticed her reading a book and I asked her about it. The book was “Ten Stupid Things Women do to Mess Up Their Lives” By Dr. Laura Schlessinger. It was a great book that touched on the lives of real women that she met through her radio show. Dr. Schlessinger is real and she is to the point. I think it’s worth reading.

I gave one to my stepdaughter before she moved out and I plan to give one to my daughter when she turns 16.

Politically incorrect (Crazy Bee)

Why is it women have to be tactful when dealing with men. It seems that no matter how they treat us we have to be reasonable and mature. Otherwise, you will certainly be called a “crazy bee”. I read that book by John Gray, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and I was totally disgusted. I was so disgusted that I gave the book to a man. After all a man who obviously knows how men feel and think, wrote it, so I thought a man would be interested in reading it.

The reason I was disgusted, the book seemed to suggest that we talk to men like children. As though they don’t understand what’s going on around them. I felt that if I would follow this book I would start talking to men like this.

Honey, I know that you were faithful to me before, I caught you sleeping with that girl in our bed. Thank you for being faithful until then. However, do you think we can talk about why you were unfaithful this time?

Are men retarded or what? It seems that everyone thinks we should deal with there bad behavior as though it’s normal.

Men need to stand up and be men and take responsibility for their actions. I know that people make mistakes but it is not a reason to excuse bad behavior. There are consequences to your actions. Why should they be exempted?

Because their anatomy is different than women, should not mean that they can do what ever they want. Showing no regard for the lives that they touch.

Men, women are people and yes they have lives that are affected by your self-centered behavior. I know that you know that your sisters are people and your daughters are people. Why do you think that other women are not?

Do you ever think about how hard it was for your mother to keep you in sneakers, jeans and tee shirts? You should; think of it every time you try to sleep with someone without a condom. Think of it every time you say “its not my baby”, “he don’t even look like me” Think about it every time you say “I take care of my kids” knowing you don’t have a job. Because when you are un-employed it is the tax -payers who take care of your kids.

I think I’ll continue to be politically incorrect and let those good women be politically correct. Because everyone knows the true definition of a good woman to a man is a stupid woman.

The Game is Crazy

Crazy

 

The game is crazy.   I think of it as the world being upside down.  Men look to women for financial support, yes I know things are different these days women work and earn a lot of money.  Yes I know it’s hard out there for a brother.  It’s difficult finding jobs.  But why do they think it’s easier for a sister?  If you are not a doctor, lawyer or some type of professional you are struggling.  They don’t pay women enough in general they pay minorities less. But we take that little bit of money and we make miracles. We feed, cloth, house and educate families. Other women resort to stripping and other dis-enchanting careers.  However the backbone of our community, the black woman; she dresses every child in their Sunday best, every Sunday morning and takes them to church with pride and dignity.  Because she wants her children to know what’s good and the house of the lord is the best place she knows.  But even with the bible in one hand some how mama failed to reach her sons to teach them to respect her to love and cherish her.  The church didn’t seem to help either.  My own mother a single mother raised us well.  But when my brother was 17 I over heard him telling a friend, that women were stupid you can tell them anything and they’ll believe it.  That same brother came to my house where I lived with my 4-year-old child and asked to borrow 20 dollars.  I told him I only had 20 dollars. He said if I let him borrow it he’ll give it back tomorrow when he gets paid.  I gave him my only 20 dollars and he never came back.

 

I do not think that all men are playing the game. However, there are a large percentage of them that are.  If you are not a player you can not relate but I can tell you that doctors have been played and have to find a way to deal with it or grow from it.  Most women have been played that includes host of TV shows and newscasters and more. We all have a story to tell because we are all out there looking for the same thing love.  Learning to love you is the greatest love of all.  When you love yourself it is hard to fall for the game, because the game is a direct assault on you. I’m telling all women to love themselves and not to think like an average woman but a woman who has a survivor instinct.  If you think I am bad you should talk to my mama. She has always taught me self-preservation is the first law of nature.  I’m a woman who stood up a diplomat, because he tried to play me.  I told him to meet me on the corner of 42nd and 8th Avenue in Manhattan and laughed at him calling on my answering machine while I entertained another man.

 

The problem with therapy is that we keep trying to fix the woman I say the woman isn’t broken it is the man who needs the help he is the one who is lying, cheating and feels no re-moist.  He is unbalanced. Women do what they are supposed to do, love blindly.  I once received an e-mail that said “a man asked God why did you make women so stupid, and God replied so that she would love you.” I don’t need to know how he thinks I already know; that’s why I stood up the diplomat.

 

The truth is when people need help they don’t seek it.  How many men are getting therapy for using women and leaving unwanted children behind. “Did I hear crickets.”

 

 

 

 

I am back I don't know for how long , but, I still have a few more post in me.  so here go's.

Super sized ego

Every time a woman ignores, forgives or pretends that she doesn’t know that her man is playing her she feeds his ego.  The player’s ego is enormous; every time he adds a woman to his list of conquest his ego is feed.  He brags to his boys as to how he got the “bitch”, “hoe” or “chicken head”.  He considers himself like a drug she is hooked on the way he performs in the bedroom.  He is partially right.  She is hooked on his love making, but it goes deeper than that.

 

Most women from all walks of life want to be loved by a man the way we read it in the ferry tales.  We want to live happily ever after.  Once her heart is opened and receives what she thinks is true love it feels so good that she would do anything to keep it.  That means pretending that she doesn’t see who he really is.  If she admits to herself that he is a player she lets go of something that she’s looked for all of her life.  

 

The player knows this and actually calls the woman stupid this word is usually followed by the word “bitch” or “hoe”.  The more pain he causes the bigger his ego gets.  I think they develop a God complex.  Women who do not allow them to do this to them are called crazy, bitter and angry.  Smart is what I call them, these women know a player when they see one.  It seems to me that these players are angry and bitter because they have been exposed. 

Tags: Ego

The self-proclaimed relationship expert

 

Television and radio are filled with the advice of the self-proclaimed relationship expert.  A lot of these people have no real bases for this expertise, however we call in and share our problems and follow their advice. 

 

I listen some time to a radio show that the host advised men to be honest about seeing other people.  He said that most women would date men who are seeing someone else.  So now men are actually telling women that they are seeing other people.  When women ask them to define their relationship they say they are friends with benefits.  This comes down to a man being able to sleep with who ever he wants and not commit to anyone and have no responsibility in the relationship.  How do you tell a friend with benefits you are pregnant? Where does that leave you?  Where does that leave your unborn child?

 

I was presented with this situation once and I explained to the gentleman that I do not sleep with my friends.  I do not believe in friends with benefits.  He said that I thought I was too good.  The truth is I do have a high opinion of myself and I do not plan to lower that opinion based on a new trend in relationships.  In today’s society I find it scary when people are volunteering to sleep with a man who is sleeping with other people.  With sexually transmitted diseases that now kill you I would think people would not be signing for this type of relationship.  But they do. 

 

Women don’t want to appear clingy so they go along hoping that he will eventually want a one on one relationship.  The truth is why should he; you are sleeping with him any way.  The only person that would ever advise a woman to do this is a player.  This is nothing but the game in a new package. 

 

Some times the relationship experts sounds like he’s right, for example, the same host says that we should wait at least 6 months before we introduce our children to a man we are dating.  That sounds logical.  However, a lot of women do not have the support of family members to assist with babysitting.  Childcare is expensive and many women cannot afford childcare after hours.  This means no dating.  Men are all for this, if you have children you must have heard this line.  “You better not have that man around my kids” Isn’t it amazing how concern they are about the children that they don’t pay child support for.  I wonder how long they’ve known that woman sitting in the car with them when they come to pick up their kids every two or three months.  Don’t forget he doesn’t have to ask to pick up his kids because he has joint custody.  Even if he only remembers that he has kids 4 to 6 times a year.   Wouldn’t it be great if we could not be parents this week because we met some hot babe that we need to get with? 

 

They don’t pick up their kids on the weekend because they don’t want us to have time to go out on a date.  They call for the children the day before or the same day so that you have no time to make plans.  If you tell them they can’t come they accuse you of not letting them see there kids.  If you don’t let the guy meet the child you’ll never go out on a date.  Therefore, most of your dates are spent at the zoo, g rated movies and fast food restaurants.  Some guys are really O.K. with this if he’s not he’s probably not right for you any way.   

The online player

Internet dating has gone wild young women are exploiting themselves.   They post nude pictures of themselves for the world to see.  Sex today has become wide open and explicit and young people are driving this engine.  They sign up for their own space on the Internet and fill it with personal information.  They meet, date and chronicle their entire relationship online for everyone to see.  There is no privacy. 

 

What I find most interesting is that these women think they can meet someone under these conditions and have a normal monogamous relationship with them.  I could be wrong and of course there is always exceptions to every rule; I don’t think that a man who’s looking for a wife starts by selecting a woman’s nude photo on the Internet.  If you were interested in a serious relationship it would probably be wise to take it off-line.

 

Most parents are concerned about this but they are most concerned that some older person will take advantage of their child.  What these parents don’t realize and neither do the young people; predators come in all ages. It doesn’t have to be a dirty old man it can be a dirty young man.  The online player knows that these young women are prime candidates for the game.  These men are usually playing 3 or more women at a time.  Their prize is sex, gifts and money. 

 

In the normal fashion of young girls, they compete for the attention of these men.  Post nasty thing about the other women and make complete fools of themselves for the world to see.  The problem is that they are really emotionally affected by these relationships.  It interferes with there day to day lives and future relationships.  Once the player has abused these women they have difficulty with trust.  Some of these relationships produce children who are being raised by young women who are not ready for parenting.  Child support is practically none existent therefore a lot of these children become the responsibility of the taxpayers.

 

The children suffer and the world’s standards are continually lowered by each generation.

 

 

Tags: Internet Online Relationships

Technology facilitates the game

 

The player loves the Internet because the type of woman he’s looking for is on the Internet; The lonely woman.  The Internet makes the players job easy he only needs to sit at home and point and click. In the old days he had to go out and find these women, now they’re all listed online with pictures and profiles.  Although there are real people online who are truly looking for someone, the player uses it as a tool. 

 

However, in this new technology driven society people do not socialize the way they use to.  We use voice mail to answer our phones, email to talk to each other and text messaging from our cell phones. We shop online and some of use work from home.  How are you going to meet someone?  Internet social sites provide a service that is needed.  But before you go online you should research the site to find out how they select their members.  Once online you need to be careful not to give out all of your information such as your address and home telephone number.  Meet in public places and drive your own car.  Write down his license plate and email it to a friend always let someone know where you are and whom you are with.  Make sure you let him know you have done this.  This way if he’s planning anything other than dinner he will rethink it. 

 

To avoid the player ask him to meet you at odd times like 6 in the morning.  If he's married he’ll need to explain this to his wife.  Call him at unusual hours like 2 in the morning.  Make dates on holidays if he can’t make it he’s probably married.  Save his old emails so that you can compare them to his newer ones.  When people lie there are usually inconsistencies.  Never give anyone money you meet online.  If they ask for money this is a red flag discontinue talking to him. 

 

Be careful, be careful, be careful.

 

 

 

 

Tags: Internet Online Relationships

THE ONLINE PLAYER

With the advent of the Internet there is an a perfect opportunity for "PLAYERS" the Internet has spawned so much heartbreak over the years I have read and heard so many stories about men and women being played.

With Internet you can be whoever you want to be, and there is no way to check on this person I mean you don't even have to post your own photo, the Internet is a particular playground for married men, who stupidly don't think that it is cheating if they're just talking online...WRONG....

I would WARN against Internet romances as you really have no idea who is sitting in front of the screen at the other end, because men and women weave a tale and before you know it your involved as you start to give more and personal details about your life including sending pictures of where you live etc, this is just ripe for players and stalkers.

Over and over you hear of cases of women having get the police involved because of online relationships, that's not to say that all are not genuine, but a player can carry on several of these relationships at one time.

I know of women who have actually met these men and have found the reality VERY different from the relative safety of your computer, usually the men are nice to start with but then soon the secretive behavior begins to reveal it's self also then come the loans for money etc, also they target single mums, their thinking that there is little they can do about it and they can drop them at anytime without guilt and when they have served their purpose.

So women out there THINK and protect yourself it's better to be lonely than to lose your dignity, money, home, job , friends, there are nice guys out there but you have to look a little harder that's all.

Yasmin

Tags: Internet Online Relationships

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Victims of the game

  

Yes players do often target unattractive women, over weight women and women who display a lack of confidence.   What most people don’t seem to realize is that some of the most beautiful women in the world have been played.  Halle Berry's ex Eric Bennet cheated on her.  He claimed to be a sex addict and for a while she stood by her man. 

 

The thing is, player’s take advantage of women, unattractive, over weight or drop dead gorgeous.  Attractive women are sometimes abused more. There are a lot of beautiful single mothers out there, who thought that he loved them.

 

I think that attractive women have it worst, because a lot of men see them as sex objects.  They don’t usually have many friends because women are jealous of the attention that they get from men.  To the attractive woman men only want to sleep with them and women hate them.  This puts them way up on the lonely list, making them prime targets for the player.  The truth is there is no exact profile of a victim of the game.  We all need to be careful. 

 

So when you’re sitting there hating on some good-looking girl because she’s dating and you’re not, remember she may be a victim of the game.

 

My grandmother use to say,” it’s harder for an ugly girl to be fooled because when she looks in the mirror she knows what she sees; the pretty girl believes what a man says because she is pretty.”

Tags: victims

THE CREEPER

Another kind of player is one who looks for what he would call unattractive woman, I know of one such instance, a woman in her early thirties still living at home with her parents, never had a boyfriend, met a man a work who suddenly began to pay her attention of course she was flattered, and after dating for a short time he suggested that they move in together, she jumped at the chance although against the advice of her friends, she felt that this was her chance for happiness.

So she paid the deposit on their flat(apartment) and bought most of the household things they needed, he was short of money and of course would pay her back.......... she still waiting as far as I know.

It apeared she paid all the bills washed, cleaned ,ironed, shopped, cooked while he of course did nothing, he rarely took her out preferring to go out with his "friends", she had never had a boyfriend before so she had no bench mark, he even took to not comming home at weekends knowing that she would always be there and always forgive him.

The upshot he had another girlfriend and actually had the nervwe to throw her out of her own home to make room for the new girl.

So beware players pick their victims carefully, and if you have no experience with men, they will just bleed you dry, and toss you aside when you no longer serve their purpose.

There was a add entry button so I used it, hope you don't mind.

Yasmin

Tags: Money Players

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The game does not discriminate

All women are possible victims of the game.  In some cases women who are educated and successful may be more likely to be targeted by the player.  Women who are not in need of financial support sometimes intimidate men.  Therefore, a lot of these women are without partners.  Lonely women are the player’s favorite victims. 

 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard women say that they are tired of being alone.  This thing called loneliness has caused company heads to throw caution to the wind and get involved in relationships they wouldn’t have otherwise.  A lot of successful women are failures in their private lives.  They have everything except a family and will often discard logic to obtain one.  African American women who hold executive level jobs discover that there are very few African American men at that level.  They spend their lives overachieving themselves a successful career, only to find that they have no one to share it with.   

 

At first these women are positive about their situation, they get involved in clubs and organizations where they can socialize with their peers.  She will most likely set her sights on someone who will complement her success.   The problem with this is so has everyone else.  When natural charms fail the successful woman she resorts to buying what she wants.  She buys expensive gifts and vacations to persuade her man to be with her.  This technique usually fails because the successful black man is a rare commodity and because of this, he may be the most notorious player

 

After failing to find a man amongst her peers the successful woman will look elsewhere.  They will find interest in the deliveryman, that nice brother that works at the fast food place; sometimes this works.  Because of her underlying desire to be with someone financially equal or appears to be financially equal shes open to the player.  Men say they can tell when a woman is looking for a man and this somehow makes her less attractive.  However, the player is interested in this type of woman because she is easy to victimize. He spends a few dollars to wine and dine her; he may even buy a gift or two.  The most important thing he gives is his companionship and affection.  This is priceless to the lonely woman and she will do nearly anything to maintain this relationship.

 

Successful women do not hold a monopoly on loneliness. Women from all walks of life suffer from loneliness and because of it are possible victims of the game. 

Tags: victims

Female Players

Are there women players?  Yes, we women usually call them pros, sluts, hoes, groupies, tack heads, hoochies and chicken heads.  What ever you call them these women play the game and they play it well.  

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Female players have taken the male obsession with the female body and turned it into profit.  They are able to seduce celebrities, millionaires, doctors, lawyers and husbands.  Unlike most women they are able to separate emotions from the physical act of sex.  Telling a man exactly what he wants to hear and giving him exactly what he wants, as long as the money keeps flowing. 

 

I do not agree with this lifestyle, however, I must say I do secretly admire these women for being able to use the very thing that men use to take advantage of us against them.  Groupies are the most amazing because celebrities know why these women are hanging around and still there are those that get caught out there.  It might be that men think that they are so superior to women that they can’t be played.  I believe that they feel no matter what the situation they are the player.  I think for the female player this is the game.

 

What’s bad about this is that most men don’t use condoms. If your man is out there you may be exposed to diseases.  They all say they won’t but the bottom line is when the opportunity presents it’s self, he might.   We would all like to believe that our husbands would never, but if they would never these women would be out of business.<SPANSTYLE="MSO-SPACERUN: yes?> 

 

Love does not conquer all. I asked a man once why men cheat.  “He said that men and women are different; a man does not equate sex with love.  He said a man could have sex with one woman and be in love with another.  He says women can’t do this; they’re different from men.  Sex for a woman is more invasive a man physically enters her body making it a more personal act.  Women cannot separate their emotions from the act of sex.”  The female player apparently can. 

 

And the game goes on.

Tags: Money

Turning the tables

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Sometimes it takes a while to realize that you are dating a player.  When you do realize it the smart thing to do is end the relationship.  Although there is something that you can do that’s a lot more fun.  Catch the player in his own game.  Although it is highly immature it is extremely satisfying. 

 

I watched a episode of divorce court once this woman was suing her husband for divorce because he cheated on her.  She said she stopped by his store one afternoon and as she walked up he was rushing a woman out of the store.  She explained that the woman stopped and screamed don’t push me I want to see what she looks like.  The other woman screamed out, I am blanking your husband that’s right, me.    The woman, his wife, said nothing because she was too much of a woman to sink to her level.  She said she left the store with a long time customer and spent a week with him.  When she returned she found the woman at her home with her child.  Her husband asked the woman to leave, he told his wife that he loved her and he was sorry about everything.  He said he had to have someone stay with their son while he worked and that was the only reason the woman was there.  So his wife agreed to stay.  She stayed for about two months and left again.  Then she came back 3 months later and once again he asked the other woman to leave.  She stayed for about 4 months and left again.  This timeshe came back pregnant with another mans child.  The husband said he didn’t care he wanted her anyway.  She stayed until she had the baby then she took both children and left again.  Then she got engaged and filed for divorce. 

 

This sounds crazy I am sure but if you think about it the other woman told her she was seeing her husband so that she would leave him.  She no longer wanted to be with him but leaving him would have given the other woman exactly what she wanted.  So instead she made him throw this woman out at least 3 times and at the same time she played him breaking his heart over and over again.  It was not the most mature way of dealing with this but revenge can be sweet. 

 

Great ways to turn the tables on a player

 

1.                  Stand him up (this is one of the best ego busters ever)

2.                  Invite him over and have another man answer the door. *Dangerous*

3.                  Call him at 2:00 in the morning for a booty call and don’t answer the door.(say you fell asleep)

4.                  Tell him you’re breaking up with him because the other guys better in bed

5.                  Tell him you’re seeing someone else and let him try to win you back.

6.                  Fall asleep during love making

7.                  Show up at a place he frequently goes with another man.  *Dangerous*

8.                  Put him on hold for 10 to 15 minutes and take another call (you can call yourself from your cell phone)

9.                  Park your car around the corner and don’t answer your phone. (He’ll loss it trying to figure out where you are)

10.              Leave an empty wine bottle with twoglasses sitting around in case he stops by unexpectedly.

 

 

 

Remember you cannot pull this off if you are afraid of losing this man.  Most guys will go away when they realize that they’re being played.  Some will call a truce and become your friend.  Others will get caught in the game and if you can loss your good-hearted nature, its up to you where you want to take it, new house, new car, marriage or all of the above.

 

To me it’s a real compliment when they call a truce because at that time he gives you something he’s never done before, respect.

 

 

*Warning, the game can be dangerous be careful.

Tags: Playing the game

Is he worth it?

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As little girls we saw our mothers put themselves last to make sure their families were taken care of.  I once saw my mother save enough from the grocery money to buy my father and brother a coat.  My mother needed a coat herself but to her it was more important that she get one for them.  I learned from this to put my needs second to the needs of others. 

 

Many of use have similar stories and there’s nothing wrong with putting your family first or your man first, but is he worth it.  This is the question you should ask yourself before you go above and beyond the call of duty. 

 

Before you dedicate your life to him, find out what type of family he came from.  Learn his character.  Find out if he has financial issues or if he can hold a job.  Living with someone after knowing him for less than a year is not a wise decision.   Sure there are exceptions to every rule but realistically you need to get to know a person first. 

 

These are some of the things some of my friends found out about their husbands after they were married.

 

1.                  He owed the IRS $20,000

2.                  He has a 5 year old daughter

3.                  He spent 10 years in prison

4.                  He beat his ex-wife

5.                  He steals and she can’t leave her pocket book unattended

6.                  He’s a former drug addict

7.                  He used to be homeless, sleeping on the subway in New York City

 

 

Before you give yourself to a man let him prove himself worthy of you.  Not by saying a lot of pretty words but let his actions speak.  If a man asks you to marry him he should be able to support a family.  He should have a plan for your future together.  If he doesn’t he is not ready to be a husband.  Ladies be more selective, be a “Choosey Lover” (The Isley Brothers) and minimize your chances of being played. 

Signs to look for

 

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You should know that there are simple ways to tell if you’re being played.  Number one as Chris Rock said, if you haven’t met any of his friends or family you are not his girlfriend.   I laughed to, but this is a really big one. 

 

2.                  He says he only uses a cell phone/he has no home phone

3.                  He’s never invited you to his house.

4.                  You run into some of his friends and he doesn’t introduce you.

5.                  You go out and his children or his mother calls every 15 minutes.

6.                  You only go out for breakfast and lunch. (or Starbucks)

7.                  You only get his voice mail after 8pm.

8.                  You’ve been dating more than 6 months and he still doesn’t want to introduce you to his children.  (No he’s not a really concern parent)

9.                  He picks you up in a Mercedes sometimes and other times in a taxi (No his car is not in the repair shop; It’s not his car)

10.              When he says, if I had the money I would take you to Jamaica.  (No, you shouldn’t help him out and charge the trip on your credit card.  He won’t pay you back.)

 

 

I have a male friend that calls me all the time with these stories.  He tells these women these ridiculous lies and they fall for it all the time.  I think its because when he tells them he’s usually sitting in his Mercedes.  He actually tells them if their good he’ll take them to Martha’s Vineyard for the weekend.  You would think that women who work and handle their own would not go for this.  He tried it with a friend of mine once and she told him, I can afford to take myself to Martha’s Vineyard but thanks anyway. 

 

The best story was Tess, this girl really though she had found Mr. Right.  He was the first guy she dated after her divorce.  She bragged to her ex-husband that she was seeing someone.  The whole time this guy is telling me how stupid she is.  He told her that he didn’t allow women at his home because of his daughter.  A friend of hers was looking for a house and she told her that her boyfriend was a realtor.  So she gave him her friends telephone number and he got in touch with her.  The thing is, his office is in his home.  Her friend complimented her, telling her that her boyfriend had a beautiful home.  After her friend realized that she had never seen it.  She started calling him herself.  After all she wasn’t really his girlfriend

 

Once a girl tried so hard to get into his house he let her follow him there after a brief date at Starbucks.  He told her she couldn’t come in because his daughter was home.  The next day she called him and asked what he was doing that afternoon.  He explained he was shopping for a new refrigerator.  (Now that she’s seen the house) She said she was already out and if he wanted she would order one for him.  He told her that the one he wanted was expensive; he wanted a subzero.  She told him she could get it at a discount price.  When he asked her where she told him not to worry about it, she has his address; she’ll have it delivered.   This med school student bought a man a subzero refrigerator and had it delivered to a house she was not allowed to enter.  Can you believe it?  He never paid her for it and of course he suddenly lost interest in her. 

 

What’s really funny is people always ask me why he and I don’t date.

 

 

Tags: Rex

Sometimes you have to laugh at yourself

Today I was talking with a co-worker about another co-worker who is being played.  She was telling me that she collapsed in her arms crying yesterday.  She did her best to console her and she said she was going to break it off with him. On Monday after she gets back from taking him to Atlantic City this weekend for his birthday. 

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When this 25 year old met this guy he told her he was seeing other people. If she was O.K. with that they could hang out.  He spent days at the time with her.  Always letting her know before he left that he was going to be with another girl.  Because he’s black, and I’m probably the coolest black person she knows, she asked me what she should do.  I told her to tell him how she feels.  She didn’t want to date someone who was seeing other people.  Only two things could happen, he could tell her he feels the same way or stop seeing her.  I didn’t have the heart to tell her that he might lie.  Well guest what happened.  He lied.  He told her that he wanted her to be his girlfriend.   She came to work with a big smile on her facing saying he’s my boyfriend now.  I knew it was a lie but who could tell her; she was so happy. 

 

Well finally she caught him, and broke it off.  They were broken up for maybe a week before he came pleading for her forgiveness. Well guest what happened.  She took him back; and it was business as usually.  The problem is now she knows but she’s out there now.  She can’t find her way back. 

 

The problem is this girl suffers from low self-esteem; I don’t know if she’ll ever break free. 

 

I can’t be too hard on her, as my co-worker reminded me; we’ve all been there at least once.  Then we started talking about our own experiences.  She said she ran into hers at a party and he asked her for a ride home. Of course she should have said no. Guess what she said.  Sure I’ll give you a ride; he lived around the corner.  She said, of course I went in.  There was no furniture; it was clear he was moving, he didn’t acknowledge that there was no furniture, but she still had sex with him on the floor.  We laughed and I told her I could top that I had sex with mine after new furniture was delivered that was going in his new house that he was moving into with his fiancée. 

 

I hope that someday everyone who has gone through this can look back and laugh at it. 

 

Hang in there.

 

 

Tags: Co-worker

The Game Gets Deadly

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A player has no regard for a woman’s feelings.  His only regard is himself and the primary woman in his life.  He lies and stops at nothing to protect his main woman.  If another woman should ever threaten that relationship he turns on her with detestation, anger and violence.  His Dr Jackal and Mr. Hyde, transformation is so unexpected and unbelievable that the woman is put into an emotional tailspin.  Finding out for the first time that their entire relationship is a lie.  But hold on to your seats the player is not done. After he has secured the primary woman, he then returns to the other woman and manufactures a web of lies and is often successful in pulling her back into the relationship.  She gets back into the relationship because she desperately wants to believe that she has not invested her love, time and money into a lie.  In the words of my favorite television judge, Judge Judy, Sister “Cut your losses and move on”.  However, it’s easier said than done. 

 

Playing with emotions can be a very dangerous thing people seek revenge and it often turns ugly. A real example of this is the Nikki Redmond story.  This is an educated, former beauty queen who finds out that her fiancé is also engaged to another woman.  She decides to go to the other woman’s home and have a talk.  Her fiancé found out and met her there.  With the other woman standing in ear shoot, he belittled Nikki. Letting her know that she meant nothing to him.  Their relationship was only about sex and the other woman was his real fiancée.    Nikki responded by going to her car and taking out a gun; it all ended in his death and her acquittal. Read more http://www.panachereport.com/channels/hip%20hop%20gallery/NikkiRedmond.htm Unfortunately for him she hated the player and the game.  

 

Although, I in no way endorse this type of behavior I do know that it is a real concern. When you play someone you are playing with his or her lives.  We read about crimes of passion everyday.

Tags: Nikki Redmond

The Game

 

 

What is the game?  I researched it on urban dictionary.com and concluded that it is a flawed system.  Anything that allows women and children to be abused in any way is certainly a flawed system.  The question is, what is the system?   The system may be pimping or maybe a derivative of pimping. 

 

Pimping is a business, described by Wikipedia, a pimp runs the business and a bottom girl assist him in running the business.  Sometimes he also has a wife-in-law whom also helps run the business.  The other girls are prostitutes who work and bring in the money. 

 

 

The game appears to be similar the playa (player) usually has a girlfriend or wife.  She is the person he really loves.  A lot of them also have another woman in their life that they care about although the relationship is mostly about sex.  She is second to the wife.  The other women are the financiers.  These women loan them money, sign for cars, credit cards and lines of credit. The main woman is the beneficiary of this.  Similar to the bottom woman she sometimes is aware of her man’s lifestyle.

 

 

I dated an old school playa once; the guys my age called him an old G.  This man never asked me for anything.  He gave me money and romanced me so well, that when I did find out about his girlfriend, I only wanted to break them up.  I found myself sitting by the phone waiting for him to call.  I was afraid to leave the house because I might miss his call.  I knew I was being a complete fool but I could not help myself. 

 

As one who has hung out with guys who were playas, I learned to play a brother before he played me.  My boys and me often joked about how well we played the game; now I had to confess I had been caught out there.

 

I think my position in the hierarchy was wife-in-law or woman number 2.  Although at the time I didn’t know it.  I thought I was number 1 because she knew about me before I knew about her. I soon learned that I was number 2 and my only mission was to overthrow her. 

 

I thank God for those old sayings that my southern mother filled my head with because one really helped me out of this situation.  “The only way to get over one man is to get another” So I did and made a clean break. 

 

The old G told me that young guys don’t know how to play the game.  He said, “Real playas don’t make babies because they don’t want to pay child support.  These guys go out there and make baby after baby and each time these women attach themselves to their paychecks; who’s really being played?  A true playa walks away clean.”  Although I don’t like what he is I do respect the fact that he never lied to me.  He never said he was going to leave her for me.  He didn’t have to, because in my mind I was going to make him.  I think that this is the game. 

 

How far are you willing to go to get your man?

Tags: Introduction