She not my daughter

 

I don’t know about you but I have heard this said many times from family members and others.  The idea is that if she’s not my daughter I am not concerned about what happens to her.  Therefore, people keep their daughters close not allowing them the same freedoms afforded their sons.  I saw a man flirting with a girl she was maybe 16 at most.  A woman said to him “you should be ashamed of yourself messing with that child”.  He said “she not my daughter and if she out here she is fair game.  She should be at home”.  Sad enough this is the general attitude of the community. 

The double standard doesn’t hold male children responsible for their actions toward women.  This standard does not instill in them family values.  Or concern for the children born due to this reckless behavior.  I would have to agree that this is not exclusive to our community but when you start to peel back the layers of the game you may find it rooted in the foundation. 

Women are taught not to engage in sex before marriage and then told stories of the bible to enforce this behavior.  When she fails to abstain, she runs to the church to ask for forgiveness.  She feels guilt and shame for her sins.  In many churches the female has to stand in front of the church and ask the church to pardon her.  Men do not have to do this.  Years ago pregnant teens were not allowed to attend school with other children; instead they went to night school with adults.  Some went to schools specifically for unwed mothers.  Today teen pregnancy is at such an epidemic that many schools have added day care facilities so that young girls can complete their education. 

Men are not held to the same standard and the boys are not or have they ever been publicly humiliated for their indiscretions.  I believe that this double standard encourages men to be irresponsible.  It gives them the ability to disregard women without guilt or shame.  Men learn from other men how to treat women.  However, men also learn this behavior from women.  Because, the double standard is the norm women also believe this to be the correct way to teach boys.  Therefore the cycle continues.

I do think that women and men alike are aware of the errors in the way boys are raised and have begun to address the issues through discussions and mentoring.  I hope that over time we will eliminate the double standard, but I do not expect it to happen any time in the near future.