She not my daughter

 

I don’t know about you but I have heard this said many times from family members and others.  The idea is that if she’s not my daughter I am not concerned about what happens to her.  Therefore, people keep their daughters close not allowing them the same freedoms afforded their sons.  I saw a man flirting with a girl she was maybe 16 at most.  A woman said to him “you should be ashamed of yourself messing with that child”.  He said “she not my daughter and if she out here she is fair game.  She should be at home”.  Sad enough this is the general attitude of the community. 

The double standard doesn’t hold male children responsible for their actions toward women.  This standard does not instill in them family values.  Or concern for the children born due to this reckless behavior.  I would have to agree that this is not exclusive to our community but when you start to peel back the layers of the game you may find it rooted in the foundation. 

Women are taught not to engage in sex before marriage and then told stories of the bible to enforce this behavior.  When she fails to abstain, she runs to the church to ask for forgiveness.  She feels guilt and shame for her sins.  In many churches the female has to stand in front of the church and ask the church to pardon her.  Men do not have to do this.  Years ago pregnant teens were not allowed to attend school with other children; instead they went to night school with adults.  Some went to schools specifically for unwed mothers.  Today teen pregnancy is at such an epidemic that many schools have added day care facilities so that young girls can complete their education. 

Men are not held to the same standard and the boys are not or have they ever been publicly humiliated for their indiscretions.  I believe that this double standard encourages men to be irresponsible.  It gives them the ability to disregard women without guilt or shame.  Men learn from other men how to treat women.  However, men also learn this behavior from women.  Because, the double standard is the norm women also believe this to be the correct way to teach boys.  Therefore the cycle continues.

I do think that women and men alike are aware of the errors in the way boys are raised and have begun to address the issues through discussions and mentoring.  I hope that over time we will eliminate the double standard, but I do not expect it to happen any time in the near future.

“Don’t hate the playa (player) hate the game”

“Don’t hate the playa (player) hate the game”

There is so much to be said about that statement; perhaps too much to put into one post so I’ll just start with the questions, If there is no players of the game does the game exist?  Would the game become defunct if no one played?  I believe that the players make the game a valid entity. Therefore, I must, if not hate, deeply dislike the playa as much or even more than I do the game.  Because without the playa the game is non-operational, and if so, is no longer a problem plaguing our community.

I was once told that men learn early in our community who gets the girl.  Guys who treat women bad and disrespect them are in high demand.  I was told that good men don’t get a chance so they become playas.  This made me sick because in a strange way it may be true.  Women are attracted to the slick smooth style of the bad boy.  He’s fun, exciting and romantic right up until he gets what he wants.  Then he becomes cruel and distant.  Add some daddy issues with some low self-esteem and you have a perfect victim for the game.  That’s right I said victim because to play the game you must have a playa and a victim. 

As we saw on Oprah’s Life Class with TD Jakes there are a lot of people out there with daddy issues so victims are really not that hard to find.  Why so many?  Could this be a result of the game? “The kind of thing that makes you say hmmm” (Welcome back Arsenio Hall).  Whatever the reason; it appears to be an epidemic. Women everywhere are suffering due to the lack of a father figure in their lives. I don’t necessarily see things through the eyes of the super preacher; although I deeply respect the man.  I feel that if a woman is held responsible for the well-being of her child.  A man should also be held responsible for the well-being of his child.  I am not talking about child support, but the day to day needs of the child.  If a woman fails to care for her child she runs the risk of being prosecuted for child neglect.  Why are these men able to walk away and not be held accountable for their children?  Instead children end up in poverty and the taxpayers and grandparents are burdened with their care. 

So “playa, playa” although you believe that the playa gets the girl, when that little girl grows up what she really wants is someone that will love her and care for her and her children.  She wants to share her life with a man not a boy or a playa.  When she wakes up and sees that the man she fell in love with is a playa (a self-centered parasite).  She runs as far and fast as she can to get away from him.  If you are smart you will be that good man that she’s looking for and she’ll run right into your arms.