She not my daughter

 

I don’t know about you but I have heard this said many times from family members and others.  The idea is that if she’s not my daughter I am not concerned about what happens to her.  Therefore, people keep their daughters close not allowing them the same freedoms afforded their sons.  I saw a man flirting with a girl she was maybe 16 at most.  A woman said to him “you should be ashamed of yourself messing with that child”.  He said “she not my daughter and if she out here she is fair game.  She should be at home”.  Sad enough this is the general attitude of the community. 

The double standard doesn’t hold male children responsible for their actions toward women.  This standard does not instill in them family values.  Or concern for the children born due to this reckless behavior.  I would have to agree that this is not exclusive to our community but when you start to peel back the layers of the game you may find it rooted in the foundation. 

Women are taught not to engage in sex before marriage and then told stories of the bible to enforce this behavior.  When she fails to abstain, she runs to the church to ask for forgiveness.  She feels guilt and shame for her sins.  In many churches the female has to stand in front of the church and ask the church to pardon her.  Men do not have to do this.  Years ago pregnant teens were not allowed to attend school with other children; instead they went to night school with adults.  Some went to schools specifically for unwed mothers.  Today teen pregnancy is at such an epidemic that many schools have added day care facilities so that young girls can complete their education. 

Men are not held to the same standard and the boys are not or have they ever been publicly humiliated for their indiscretions.  I believe that this double standard encourages men to be irresponsible.  It gives them the ability to disregard women without guilt or shame.  Men learn from other men how to treat women.  However, men also learn this behavior from women.  Because, the double standard is the norm women also believe this to be the correct way to teach boys.  Therefore the cycle continues.

I do think that women and men alike are aware of the errors in the way boys are raised and have begun to address the issues through discussions and mentoring.  I hope that over time we will eliminate the double standard, but I do not expect it to happen any time in the near future.

“Don’t hate the playa (player) hate the game”

“Don’t hate the playa (player) hate the game”

There is so much to be said about that statement; perhaps too much to put into one post so I’ll just start with the questions, If there is no players of the game does the game exist?  Would the game become defunct if no one played?  I believe that the players make the game a valid entity. Therefore, I must, if not hate, deeply dislike the playa as much or even more than I do the game.  Because without the playa the game is non-operational, and if so, is no longer a problem plaguing our community.

I was once told that men learn early in our community who gets the girl.  Guys who treat women bad and disrespect them are in high demand.  I was told that good men don’t get a chance so they become playas.  This made me sick because in a strange way it may be true.  Women are attracted to the slick smooth style of the bad boy.  He’s fun, exciting and romantic right up until he gets what he wants.  Then he becomes cruel and distant.  Add some daddy issues with some low self-esteem and you have a perfect victim for the game.  That’s right I said victim because to play the game you must have a playa and a victim. 

As we saw on Oprah’s Life Class with TD Jakes there are a lot of people out there with daddy issues so victims are really not that hard to find.  Why so many?  Could this be a result of the game? “The kind of thing that makes you say hmmm” (Welcome back Arsenio Hall).  Whatever the reason; it appears to be an epidemic. Women everywhere are suffering due to the lack of a father figure in their lives. I don’t necessarily see things through the eyes of the super preacher; although I deeply respect the man.  I feel that if a woman is held responsible for the well-being of her child.  A man should also be held responsible for the well-being of his child.  I am not talking about child support, but the day to day needs of the child.  If a woman fails to care for her child she runs the risk of being prosecuted for child neglect.  Why are these men able to walk away and not be held accountable for their children?  Instead children end up in poverty and the taxpayers and grandparents are burdened with their care. 

So “playa, playa” although you believe that the playa gets the girl, when that little girl grows up what she really wants is someone that will love her and care for her and her children.  She wants to share her life with a man not a boy or a playa.  When she wakes up and sees that the man she fell in love with is a playa (a self-centered parasite).  She runs as far and fast as she can to get away from him.  If you are smart you will be that good man that she’s looking for and she’ll run right into your arms. 

The Game Must Be Stopped "You have done this in a community that can no longer tolerate this; It will collapse under this” Judge Lynn Toler

"He thinks this is a game this is not a game to me this is real this is my life." Not only is it her life it is the lives of 15 other women and 27 children.

"You have done this in a community that can no longer tolerate this; It will collapse under this” Judge Lynn Toler

I am home today and while working on a home improvement project I put on Divorce Court.  I wasn’t really watching but I could not help but listen to this couple.

This guy stands proud and says he has 27 children with 16 different women.  He is 39 years old.  He has not married any of them except one who is divorcing him after one year of marriage; they only lived together for 2 months.  She is 23 and she tells the judge in tears that she believes he only married her for the money she was getting in a settlement for her disabled daughter. She said that he preys on young inexperienced women and leaves them with children. 

I feel really bad for this girl but when she found out about  8 of his children she should have walked away then.  But 20 year olds don't always make the best decisions, which is why he chose her.

This guy stands in this court with a straight face and proudly tells the judge that before he married her that he had not had a child for about 3 or 4 years.  Then his wife says that their son is 8 months old and he has a 1 year old son with another woman. 

Clearly this is the game gone wild.  Is he mentally ill?   Why does any man need to lie to 16 women and make children to the tune of 27 times and not be with any of the women?  This is horrendous. 

After he continued to make light of the situation the young lady broke down in tears crying saying that "he thinks this is a game this is not a game to me this is real this is my life."

Not only is it her life it is the lives of 15 other women and 27 children.

Big ups to Judge Lynn Toler for putting him in his place and saying this “You have done this in a community that can no longer tolerate this; It will collapse under this”

The Game Must Be Stopped!!!!!!!

Progress could regress

Dictionary.com

Fear: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. Synonyms: foreboding, apprehension, consternation, dismay, dread, terror, fright, panic, horror, trepidation, qualm. Antonyms: courage, security, calm, intrepidity.



When I hear what is being said about women’s bodies I feel as though I am living in some 1950’s movie. But it is real; the truth is being exposed daily and it is shocking. Well, I should say shocking for some of us. I think that when laws were enacted that allowed women to make their own choices; some did not find it threating. However, with the election of Barack Obama for the second term, I think that those who did not feel threated now fear that these laws can actually level the playground.

Why are they afraid? What’s wrong with women making their own choices? What’s wrong with having an African American president? Only the threated can say and “they ain't talking”. Instead they are attacking everyone and anyone that shows the slightest resemblance to change.

Fear is very debilitating and it stifles growth.  It is very difficult to be rational when we are afraid. Change is very scary to most and the older we are we become more fearful of change. Fear and racism (which I say is an unrealistic fear of anything that is different from one’s self) are causing an out and out uproar in this country. People are even fighting against policies that will help them. It is also sad that some politicians have decided to exploit the fears of some for their own political gain.

As an African American woman who grew up in the church I do respect the church and its position. But God gives us all the right to choose; man does not have the right to take that away. When they do they take on a God like role and if you are a true believer you know that there is only one God.

Women pay attention to what’s going on in politics and vote in all elections. Not voting can take you back to being bare foot and pregnant in the kitchen. As an African American… it could be worst. : (

Good song lyrics

Mary J Blige Grown Woman

Now tell your sister that you in love with a grown woman

Tell your brother you in love with a grown woman

Tell your daddy you in love with a grown woman

Tell your mama you in love with a grown woman

I wear these 7 jeans but baby they don't wear me

I keep it covered up, uh, cause I am a lady

You can't see what's under there cause I am a grown woman

I am so sexy, remain a mystery

cause every body always want what they can't see

And what they can't have and what they can't grab

And what they can't buy and baby thats me

Respect

Today I watched an earlier aired Judge Judy show, and for once instead of being a little disgusted with the woman suing the guy at the next table, I was delighted. What this woman had to say gave me hope for womankind.

This lady was suing her personal trainer because he breached their contract. Apparently they had a contract for him to train her for a predetermined amount of sessions and he missed the very first one. Most of us would have given the guy the opportunity to make good, but not her. However, she had her reasons.

This guy called her at 1:00 in the morning and it was not in reference to their contract. Not only was his call unprofessional, he was also married. She did not respond the way he expected so he missed their first session.

To my pleasant surprise this lady simply sued him for her money back. She didn’t tell the judge the circumstances surrounding the lawsuit, only the facts. After she received the judgment in her favor she explained. He called her at 1 a.m. and she is not that type of woman. On top of this, she said he was married. Therefore he disrespected her and his wife. He is no good.

I smiled from ear to ear finally a woman who thinks enough of herself to demand respect.

Is the Lady of The house at Home

The strong black woman has been said to be impossible to deal with. She is load and bossy and constantly reminding everyone, “ she don’t need a man”. African American women have been taking it in the gut for years, being called controlling and manly.

Although he complains about her take-charge ability the black man is grateful for the black woman’s strength. In the face of adversity he would want no other in his corner.

In the end we will all come to understand that the African American woman’s strength is not excessive. Instead she has been plagued by the lack of a strong man.

On January 20 2009 one of the most shinning examples of a black woman moved into 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, the white house. Michelle Robinson Obama, the first black first lady of the United States of America. She moved into the white house with dignity, grace and beauty. She dazzles the world with her style as her strength shines through. Demonstrating that she knows her place, which is by her husband’s side.

As President Obama, runs the country he will face many difficult decisions and she will be by his side every step of the way. They will be an example to the country as they demonstrate the true meaning of being joined together as one. He is comfortable with her strength because he is strong. She’s got his back.

The African American woman has long been nick named the backbone of the black race. The world is about to find out why, because, Michelle Obama is now the backbone of the United States of America.